Thursday, April 29, 2010

WOW

I'm typing with tears rolling down my cheeks and for no other reason than this week I realized we are more loved than I ever realized. This week I have had people I haven't talked to in months call or text to tell me they are praying for us. When I talked to one of my friends she asked can I do anything school wise for you- I will be happy to write a paper or anything. As tempting as it was to say yes I just thought WOW who would ever offer something so kind. Another friend immediately said Renee let me pray right now for you. Another friend began to cry with me as I sobbed on the other end and many just said can I hug you. EVERY single gesture, word, prayer has been felt. I can never begin to tell you how much I appreciate the love.
Physically- Unfortunately this week my immune system let me down and now I am sick- Sinus infection and migraines. My doc has put me on a antibotic so hopefully we can get rid of it quick.
Tonight I take my last exam of the semester and then I have to attempt to write a paper so after tonight school will be over for the semester.

Emotionally- I am sucked dry. I have seen people walking in Target with 2 kids wondering if I will ever be that mom. I know, everyone, I know I'm being silly but I can't help but wonder.

Mentally- I'm so confused. I have peace with whatever happens tomorrow and I know deep inside God has a reason for all this and a purpose, but that thought is fuzzied by the hurt. I've literally laid on the floor and cryed and cryed until last night Aiden walked up and sat in my lap and said "what wrong mommy, you sad?" I quickly realized God blessed me more than I can ever imagine 2.5 years ago when he gave me that sweet baby boy and I KNOW Aiden will be a big brother whether it be in Dec. or later- I know God will bless my family.

Tomorrow- I'm so stinking nervous and thats all I even know to say. I'm scared and I'm sad. I'm trying SO hard to stay positive and hang on to some little bit of hope.

We go tomorrow at 9 am so if you have a free minute please say a little prayer for us. again THANK YOU!!!

6 comments:

The Moores said...

I just read this and got caught up on your blog- its been awhile. I will pray for you right now!

Jessica said...

Girl I've got tears in my eyes reading this. You are one strong woman! I've been praying so hard for you & I will definitely keep right on!

Marksberry Family said...

I could not even begin to imagine what you are feeling. Sending more prayers your way.

Christie Huggins said...

Hey, sweet girl. I know exactly how you feel. With all the unfortunate drama our little family has faced through preterm labors, heart defects, a miscarriage of a 9 week gestational baby last May, to now this fatal diagnosis with Tristan....ugh....I know exactly how you feel and totally know what you mean about all the support from family and friends. It's truly God and the prayers of your friends and family that carry you through these times, no matter the outcome. Who ever knew that being a mom would be THIS hard, right? I'll be watching for updates and praying all is just fine. Love from the Huggins!

Elizabeth said...

Hey girl. I just read your last couple of posts. Wow. Just know we're praying for you. I don't know if there's anything we can do, but I will be more than happy to help out.

Tiffany said...

This makes me cry. I am continuing to pray for you. You are being so strong and amazing through this!