St Jude Marathon

My cousin, brothers, and I started running the St Jude Half marathon/ marathon in 2005. We have tried to run every year since (except when I was pregnant or just had baby). We do the half marathon every year, except in 2010 my cousin and brother ran the full, and love it. It's for a great cause and I love having this memory with my brothers. Saturday was the annual marathon and this year running had a different effect on me than years before. We run beside LeBonheur Children's Hospital, which is where Ansley and us spent most of July!! It tugged at my heart a little running by but it made me push harder. I missed seeing my parents standing at mile 6 where they stand each year (dad always drove the back roads to park on the road and mom didn't want to try it- she would have gotten lost) and that too was hard! I hit a wall at mile 8 but around mile 11 or 12 I saw a sign from a spectator that said "This is nothing, you have been through harder"!! Ummmm hello...was that sign for me??? It gave me the push I needed!! I ran one of the worst times, if not the worst time, I have ever ran but it was fine with me because I did finished.  It was completely worth the cause:

The St Jude Heroes raised 5.7 million dollars for St Jude!!!! 

 About to run by Le Bonheur

 Cousin, me, and the brothers

 Their thoughts on this race

The thousands of people waiting to run

 Running

One of  the spectators :) 

Holidays

Sorry the pics are not in order!! 

Aiden and I making a Christmas craft

In their Christmas pjs

The 3 babies at Thanksgiving (all 1 month apart) 

Thanksgiving came and passed quickly but it was an extremely hard day! I woke Thanksgiving morning and knew it was not going to be easy! I had many crying spells while cooking that morning and watching the parade but while getting ready I lost it! I just knew it wasn't going to be the same and honestly I wanted to go back to bed and let the day pass. But if my mom could do it, so could I, and we all did. We made it through the first holiday without my dad! The day before thanksgiving was my parents 35th anniversary! My brothers and I spent the entire day and night with my mom and it was so fun just hanging out! This time of the year was my dads favorite, he loved Thanksgiving and being with family and enjoying whatever we wanted to eat.  Last year my dad was doing well watching is eating and he told us before Thanksgiving Day he was going to enjoy it and eater what he wanted! I'm so thankful he did!!! Dad loved Christmas the most. There wasn't anything he didn't enjoy, he even Black Friday shopped with me (at Lowes or Home Depot) if I asked him to! My dad was known for making Peanut Butter Balls this time of the year, and he would take weeks making them for everyone!! He and my mom always did some major decorating. Dad would spend the entire day after Thanksgiving decorating the outside of the house (not like Griswold style). So we know the weeks will only get tougher but we know dad would want us to enjoy this time together. Please remember us the next few weeks!

ONE YEAR OLD

My beautiful baby girl is ONE!!! We had a wonderful party and I will post many pictures soon!! Ansley went to the doctor Monday and weighed in at a huge 18lbs, putting her in the 10th percentile for weight! She's TINY but I would be too if I never ate! Her doc wasn't too concerned about it but does want us to force the cup more so we have been trying!! She had a great visit at the neurologist last week and he is pleased with her development in 3 months!!

2 short weeks

In 2 short weeks this sweet girl will be ONE!! I can not believe how fast this year has gone.  I have been busy planning her party, although she will never remember it I still feel like it should be a big celebration of all she has overcome this year!! 

God has big plans in store for this sweet girl! 

My babies sleeping together

Already wrestling!! 

On the up and up....

I am feeling much better this weekend, almost back to my normal self!
I also have some wonderful news- my baby girl is 3 months seizure free as of yesterday! I had my monthly meeting with her therapist today and we both feel there is no pressing issues we are concerned with for her developmentally. She is doing great!! She is a completely different child since starting day care and therapy.  She has developed such a personality and independence! She has just recently decided she wants to eat table food and loves it!! She is the sweetest thing. I do hear more and more often that she looks just like my dad and lately I see it so much more. Her actions are even very similar to him.  My mom and I were discussing last night how much Ansley loves men.  She wants Brandon, my father in law, or brothers to hold her anytime she is around them.  When she was a baby dad would hold her in his chair, on his tummy while Ansley slept (he did me, my brothers, and grandkids this way), oh how I miss seeing that!!
This weekend we had a memorial service for my dad at the hospital where is was employees for 30 years.  I've mentioned this before but the week after dad passed away the dialysis department at the hospital did a memorial in honor of dad that was placed on the hospital wall of the department.  The service Sunday was for all the hospital employees that passed away this year.  It was a very nice ceremony yet very hard.  On the back of the program these words where written:
And if I go while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
Vibrating to a different measure
-behind a thin veil you can not see through.
You will not see me, so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we will soar together again,
-both Aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart
...I will be there!!

I bolded the line "until then live your life to the fullest" because my dad would say that exact thing!! Are you living your live to the fullest??

Beach

We had a blast at the beach.  My mother, mother in law, and sis in law went with us.  Ansley enjoyed the water and sand.  She did not like being confined to the baby pool on the beach.  She however loved the big pool.  Aiden LOVED the beach and pool.  He loved everything about FL and I know he would stay for weeks if he could.  We had perfect weather and it was the absolute best trip.

 

Aiden loved playing on his buggy board.

Ansley cried anytime I wasn't holding her.

Aiden did a lot of go kart riding!

 

Where have we been??

So where have we been?

 The Beach (a whole post will come for that)

 

Doing a lot of this- swimming 

(well that was until it got cold this week)

 

I have been training for this!

 

 AND...

WATCHING THESE TEAMS PLAY FOOTBALL!

I must admit though football is just not the same without my daddy to watch it with.

 

 

WHERE HAVE WE NOT BEEN?????

We have not been in the hospital with Ansley!! 

But unfortunately we have been in the hospital.

 

I have been meaning to update for awhile now but really have not sat down to take time and post.  We had a GREAT time in FL. But you can hear more about that here. 

Ansley started going to day care 2 days a week.  She goes to therapy for an hour one of those days.  She is doing really well.  She loves school and enjoys playing with friends her age.  I especially love my days of getting caught up around the house, exercising, grocery shopping, and most importantly spending time with Big Brother.  Ansley is almost 11 months old now.  We are about 3 months seizure free, yes that is correct- no seizures since leaving LeBonheur.  She is pulling up and trying to cruise around.  She loves crawling (it's more of an army crawl).  She still has NO desire to eat anything other than her bottle.  This to me is a pressing problem and I really want ALOT more therapy focus on it so hopefully we will see improvement soon.

Aiden is still staying at home with me all 5 days! Sometimes it can be a little overbearing but I know next year, when he starts Kindergarten, I will not get to keep him home with me when I want.  He seems to be adjusting well to the changes of everything that has happened to us this year.  He acts a bit still but he is 4.  He is the smartest child I know (I'm biased) and loves to learn.  He is working soo hard on his handwritting, which I have mentioned is bad, real bad.  But now its getting A LOT better. 

The hubs is still doing what he does best and working hard to provide for our family!  When he is not working we have LOVED our days as a family doing anything or nothing. 

ME- I am doing what I always do- being a house keeper, maid, cook, and MOMMY to these sweet babies!  I have enjoyed the past weeks of hanging with my babies without a schedule or anything planned.  But I know that will end sometime and I need to go back to work, I'm pretty confident I will try to go back to working in Jan.  Until last week I was working hard at my training for the St Jude half marathon and getting my prebaby body back. However last weekend I had a severe pain in my stomach and side.  After a little conviencing from Brandon I decided I needed to head to the ER (we hadn't been the hospital all month so why not? ha).  After seeing the doc and having a ct scan, I was being put to sleep and undergoing surgery to remove my Appendix.  YUCK!  I have recovered well and feeling ALOT better now however I can not lift anything over 10 lbs for 6 weeks.  Which means I can not pick up Ansley to feed her, change her, rock her, bathe her....  SO of course my mother and mother in law have stepped in again.  They are taking turns staying with me when Brandon is working.  My training has been placed on hold and hopefully soon I can get back to it. 

I again apologize for the 2 months of silence from the blog I will TRY better. 



I can see clearly

Ansley's eye appointment went well last week. We will check back at a year and half but the eye doctor thought her vision was fine for now!
Ansley is still seizure free and doing well. She is meeting with her therapist this Wed. I'm excited to see how it will go. She still has no desire to eat food.
On Friday we head out for Destin FL so we are keeping a close eye on Hurricane Isaac, are you as well?? Please be in prayer for all those around the area that will be affected by this storm.

9 months old and 4 weeks post surgery

Ansley is 9 months old now! Wow how fast that flew by!
Some info about Ansley now is:
17 lbs
27 1/4 inches
Size 2-3 diapers
6-9 month clothing or 9 month
Still not crawling Or pulling up
She has started eating a little more baby food but still avoids textured food.
Hopefully she will begin therapy in these areas through TEIS soon.
She had a great report from her cardiologist and neurologist.
Her pediatrician thinks she may have a cross eye so we have been referred to an eye doctor, whic we see next week.
Finally we are 4.5 weeks SEIZURE FREE!!!

2 weeks post surgery

It has been 2 weeks since Ansley had her pacemaker surgery and she is doing good.   She has just started rolling over and putting weight on her stomach but she will not use her arms to lift or stretch, in order to crawl.  She has started eating a little better than she was.  She now eats baby food at all 3 meals and will eat about half a jar each feeding.  She is showing a little more interest in grabbing her puffs or yogurt melts and trying those.  My hope is in the next month she will slack off on so many bottles and start eating more foods.
 On Friday TEIS (Tenn Early intervention services) came to talk to us and get the paper work started in case Ansley does need early intervention.  Because she is special needs she definitely qualifies for TEIS but we are not sure if she will meet the requirements to get services. We are mainly concerned with her gross motor skills but they will come next week to evaluate her in occupational, physical, and speech therapy.
Most everyone reading this knows I had to back out of my job offer with a local school system to stay at home with Ansley. This decision surprisingly was VERY hard for me and very emotional.  I know without a doubt I'm needed most at home with her but staying at home long term is not something I want to do, especially with Aiden at home too.  We made the decision to keep Aiden at home too instead of paying for him to go to daycare when I have no income.  Our goal is to get these seizures under control and get them both back in day care so I can find a job and get started using my new degree that I just spent 2 years getting.  Having this job was one very huge weight off my back so now I've added that weight back on top of the other.
Speaking of getting Ansley seizure free...she hasn't had a seizure in 2 weeks and 3 days!! This is the longest she has ever gone without having a seizure since her diagnosis 3 months ago. We are hopeful and praying this change in med is the answer!  Since she hasn't seized we have not seen how the pacemaker will change her seizures, if it does change them. We are fine with not knowing and will be pleased if her heart never needs that help pacing!
Thank you for checking on us, asking about us, bringing us dinner, sitting with us, and most importantly praying for us!

2weeks

Its been 2 weeks since Ansley had a seizure!!!! Can I get a whoop whoop??? :)

Life at home

First I would like to let you know wew are 1 week and 1 day seizure free. This is not abnormal so I can't get too excited. She will usually go a week without having one but I am praying the increase in frequency and amount on her meds is really helping. Being at home has been a little different. Ansley now sleeps with a pulse ox and an apnea monitor. Plus we take an oxygen tank with us whereever we go. Yea I looked silly going for a walk this morning pushing a stroller and oxygen tank. But you do what you gotta do. Ansley loved seeing Aiden when we got home and of course we did as well. I know it's nothing but babble but Ansley makes the best "a de" sound ever, which just lights up Aidens world. We were a little nervous of how Aiden would be around her since he is usually unintentionally rough, but he has done well. It breaks his heart to see her uncomfortable. She hasn't seem to hurt too much since being home, just uncomfortable. She has tried to roll over which she let us know did not feel good. She likes to sleep on her side or lay on my shoulder to sleep and she can't do that just yet, so getting to sleep is a task. Understandably she just wants to be held and cuddled (gently), which we have no problem doing. Overall Ansley is doing great!!! One thing I have been meaning to do is let you know just how blessed and thankful we are to have wonderful families. Brandon has 2 sisters and I have 2 brothers, as well as our parents. Since the very first day Ansley went into the hospital they, along with my sister and brother in laws, have been there with us non stop. They have packed our bags at the last minute, washed our clothes, brought us food and snacks, taken care of Aiden, and driven miles and miles to be with us. We already know they are the best family but I have failed to tell them that enough! Thank you all so much!!

Home sweet home

We are home!! I have a post in mind I would like to do but for now I'm gonna love on my little guy!

Rough days

We had a rough day yesterday. After my post Ansley just could not get comfortable she was very inconsolable. She would fall asleep for a minute and then scream out. Her heart rate was high and around 7 her fever spiked up. All I can think about is infection. They started her back on fluid IV last night and her heart rate came down and fever is 100 now. She is not quite as cranky today. They have stopped her fluids so she will want to eat more and rely on her formula more than the IV fluids. The doctor started another antibiotic just in case she does have an infection. Because she is showing on us signs of pain they are still giving her pain meds, just Tylenol with codeine.we appreciate the prayers and are praying for a good few days so we can go home and see our sweet boy that we miss so much.

Update

Ansley is doing well. She was just moved out of ICU into a regular room. I got to hold her for a little while which was wonderful. She is taking a bottle again. It's small amounts but every little but helps. She had a good night and as doped up on morphine. Her heart rate kept going up, probably because she was in pain and a little "dry". When her heart rate went up her pacemaker was "confused" and tried to step in and pace. They have fine tuned it and hopefully that will help. We have a ways to go recovery wise and a long ways to go with Neurology and her seizures. We appreciate the continued prayers.

Complete

Ansley is out of surgery it went well.

Surgery

Ansley is currently in surgery.

Surgery

So it was everyone's thoughts that a pacemaker is the best option for Ansley. Her surgery is at 10am and her surgeon is Dr. Goldberg! Thank you for the prayers I'm sorry so short it's been a rough day and night! On top of the news today I really really am missing my dads helpfulness and love in these situations!

Nice day

No seizures to report today!! Ansley is wire free on her head!!! We are all so excited that she is free from those heavy cords. Everything the neurologist needed to see he was able to see over the last few days so it was no longer needed. We moved to the cardio floor after lunch and have settled in here. Dr. F came in early and talked to us. He just wanted to make sure we are prepared for tomorrow and getting a game plan for going forward whatever it may be. He did explain a little more what the cardiologist will be looking for tomorrow. The cardiologist will review the readings from the holter monitor (monitors the electrical activity of the heart) that she was wearing during the seizures. If during the seizure her hearts electrical system was affected we will most likely be looking at a pacemaker. However if the heart is having prolonged beats or skipping beats we might can treat other ways. I will update on Facebook or here tomorrow if I have time to let you know how exactly to pray for Ansley. On a positive note we did have lots of visitors today, which was great for Brandon and I. This morning we spent time with my mom and Aiden. I miss that wild boy so much and so does his sister!! At lunch, my moms cousin and his wife visited and brought us lunch, which was soo incredibly kind. Late afternoon and tonight we visited with my best friends and their hubbies. It was soo great to have fun laughing and hanging out. Most everyone knows my best friend Beth's sweet girl had 2 open heart surgeries at 6 months. She and her husband gave us some words of encouragement today so I'm so thankful they came to see us today. I also received word today that our wonderful pastor requested prayers for us from our church family. We feel them and appreciate all of them. Thank you.

From head to heart

This post will piggy back off yesterday's. I'm not sure how we came to this hospital as a neurology (head) patient and possibly leaving as a cardiology (heart) patient. Today Ansley had 3 more seizures, 1 that was worse that yesterday's and 2 milder ones. The milder seizures are not as concerning as the harsher ones of course. What happens during her seizures is Ansley's BRAIN stops, completely flat lines. When the brain stops the vagus nerve, nerve running from brain to heart, stops as well. When the brain is not telling the heart to pump it stops. Ansley's heart is stopping causing her to turn blue but within a few seconds it goes back to normal rhythm. I must note real quick Ansleys heart is very healthy when not seizing. Her heart is just the innocent bystander to a horrible wreck in her brain. Her brain is affecting her heart. Ok back on track- Right now her seizures are lasting 1 minute give or take some. However if she has a prolonged seizure and her heart is not pumping and giving blood back to the brain it could damage other organs or her heart might not start back and she will not live. Her neurologist has seen it happen and luckily the child was at the hospital and was able to be revived. Well we can't live at a hospital we have to go home and back to life so we have to find a solution until her seizures are under control. The solution is a pacemaker. It's an on demand pacemaker that will only kick in when she seizes. But because Ansley is so small the pacemaker procedure will be a huge procedure consisting of cutting open her chest and sewing the pacemaker into both chambers of her heart. The pacemaker will keep her heart rate from not dropping into the 10s and 20s when seizing. But the problem is now do you want to open up the chest and operate on a healthy heart of an 8 month old??? We will have the cardiologist look at all of her heart monitorings since being here and and he will determine that answer. Once we can get the seizures under control or at least milder this will not be as big an issue. But right now on average she is seizing multiple times weekly. Do we chance that they will remain short and not prolong?? Do the risk of pacemaker outweigh the benefits?? All these questions and many more run through our minds this weekend. We pray Monday the cardiologist will give us definite answers. As for now we will move from the Neuro floor to the cardio floor so she can be monitored closer for her heart issue. Our neurologist, who have I mentioned I LOVE, will follow along with us and Monday we should have a game plan going forward with or without a pacemaker. Thank you again for your prayers and tonight I can not down play the thankfulness I have that God has kept Ansley wrapped in his arms the past few months. after seeing first hand on the EEG how her brain and heart change during these I see how lucky we are the seizures have never lasted longer. Prayer Request: - Neuro and cardio get a clear game plan on what's next. - If the decision is surgery of course we need major prayers for safety during and after. - We can find a med to stop these all together. - They never get longer in duration. - I can work out the best care for Ansley and my work situation. - Aiden understands we have to be here now it's the best place to be. - Most importantly that Ansley NEVER is in pain.

Wow

Today has been more than I expected in so many ways. Because everything is still up in the air I'm just not going to go in to detail on what happened today. Ansley did have a seizure today and it was the same as always- she stiffens, stops breathing and turns blue. The doctor said she definitely has right temporal epilepsy and we will treat it. However the seizures are causing her heart to stop and could potentially be fatal. That being said we were QUICKLY referred to cardiology. Our room went from calm and wild in 30 minutes. On Monday we should know more on what's next but for now we have to stay put at LeBonheur. It's possible we are looking at surgery. We are very unsure and uneasy about the situation and could use your prayers for wisdom. Also I must add a HUGE thank you to my bro and sis in law for staying beside me, asking questions and being there for me today. I'm sooo thankful they decided to come see us today if not I would have been here alone during all this.

Play day

Today was another day of hanging out and not doing much but playing. We had some wonderful visitors today (1 is actually laying beside me now). Aiden and my mom came this morning. Our music minister from church came around lunch time. My sis in law came again this afternoon, so I have enjoyed the company. I'm not sure if I mentioned Brandon had to go home to work. I know he hated to leave but we do have to pay the bills some how and missing work won't accomplish that. Anyway when talking to Aiden yesterday I told him there is a neat playroom here and he has been dying to play in it so as soon as he arrived today he was ready to play. I let him play in Ansleys bed for awhile and then this afternoon we packed up Ansley's wires and boxes and headed to play. They both had a blast! Other than lots of playing the da has been rather uneventful. We still have no seizure activity, which really surprises me since she's not on her medicine. Dr F did ask me today how long I can stay because he really does not want to send her home without having one he can see. therefore 1 of 2 things must happen for us to go home- have a documented seizure that he can make a diagnosis from or her skin on her head not handle the electrodes anymore. He doesn't expect to last past Sunday before her skin gets irritated! I think if she makes it to Sunday seizure free then we have some serious evaluating to do considering we can't go seizure free that long on the meds at home. Thank you for the continued prayers!!

We need a seizure!

You read that title correctly- we need Ansley to have a seizure!! Both of the doctors read Ansley's EEG from the night and like yesterday it was great. Her doctor (Dr F) stopped one of her medicines to see if that would cause one and so far she hasn't performed for us. We really just need her to have a small seizure or 2 for him to see. He said all he wants to do is stop them and in order to do that he needs to make sure we are treating them properly. Her heart is being monitored by a holter monitor just to rule out any heart issues, which Vanderbilt did as well. Tomorrow Aiden and my mom are coming to stay with us. I'm soo excited to see my baby boy and after talking to him today I can tell he is sooo excited too!! Please pray: Ansley has some small seizures that are recorded. Dr F can diagnose Ansley to stop these episodes. Her heart is healthy and no issues there as well.

Lebonheur

Ansley, at 8 months, has now stayed in more hospitals than most people do in a life time. We were admitted into LeBonheur Childrens Hospital this morning and this time by choice. I mentioned awhile back we wanted a second opinion. Unfortunately most doctors want their own reports and test so after a lot of prayer we decided it was best to go through with that now instead of months down the road. Ansley's seizures have just been a vicious cycle- she does well for a week then has multiple seizures, the doctor will up her medicine and then the process starts all over. Maybe I've not given the meds enough time to work but we need to know we are doing the right thing for Ansley and it really is - medicine regulation issue. Many people have told us about an outstanding doctor here at lebonheur, I have spoken to his nurse many times before this weekend, finally Monday I called her in desperation to help me and she said come on in and they will do their complete work up to get us some answers. She is on the Neuro floor in a seizure room with cameras to have her on video to see her seizures happen. Today Ansley had an MRI again, many labs drawn, and hooked up on the EEG machine(test of brain activity). The doctor came in today and spoke to us for 30+ minutes, he came right in and sat to talk. I immediately knew we made the right decision. He came back tonight to check on us and give some info. Ansleys MRI looks great and so does her EEG thus far. Which means many things- her seizures are not causing shown residual effects to her brain. Her brain is still functioning great and actually doing things past her age level. He expected to see some signs of seizure activity even when she wasn't seizing but nothing. He then said its hard to believe these are seizures since he hasnt seen one. Therefore he has to see one on the monitor. We have seen them and there is NOO denying these look like seizures. So tomorrow the will stop her medicines to help induce a seizure. So right now we are praying for small quick seizures for the doctor to see. Thank you for your prayers and please continue to remember my sweet girl!!!

I had good intentions

I had great intentions of keeping my blog updated and of course I failed miserably! You will probably never see another picture posted on my blog because we no longer have a useable computer. I do everything on my iPad and Unfortunately I can not upload pics on to my blog from here! So here is what my family has been up to: BUSY!!! Aiden- He's still going through the disobedient, terrible 2's. Haha yes he is 4! He has loved staying at home with me but he definitely needs to go back to day care. He will start pre-k this year! :( I'm sure he will love it, he needs to be challenged a bit. He is very very smart but really lacks in his handwriting so I'm excited for someone else to work with him in that area. Ansley- 7.5 months old, 15.14 pounds, REFUSES to eat any food, (doctor said its ok as long as she takes a bottle), sitting up, scooting on her belly but not crawling. Her neurologist and pediatrician expect that she will be delayed but so far she's on track developmentally! She is still having pretty consistent seizures. I was praying to get them under control before going back to work but unfortunately that won't happen obviously.... Me- work??? Yes I was offered a job in a local school system doing Speech. They currently have a Speech Pathologist in the Pre K- 3rd grade so I will be in working with 4th grade and up. I'm very excited yet very nervous to leave Ansley! I have enjoyed being with my kids all day but stay at home mom is not cut out for me! I'm soo incredibly tired when Brandon gets off. When he works nights he is gone all night and sleeps all day so for those days and nights we see him about 2 hrs in the 24 hr day. But I'm so proud of my husband he has worked soo hard to support our family. He's working lots of overtime so we can pay Ansley's medical bills (which are INSANE) without withdrawing money from savings. I'm so thankful for such a hard working hubby! It has now been almost 2 months that I lost my daddy and I still miss him like it was yesterday. Not a day has passed that I haven't cried missing him. People tell me Ansley looks like my dad and I wish soo bad he could hear that, it would light up his world. My mom is still having a VERY HARD time. She receieved the death certificate last week so she has been busy taking care of paperwork. We are praying things we slow up soon and ease up the pain. As for now that's the recap on our life! :)

Catch up

Quick catch up: Ansley- She's had a rough weekend consisting of multiple seizures. We have now doubled her medicine from where she was when leaving the hospital. So we went to the doctor today and the doctor added another medicine. He did give us comfort by telling us the ultimate goal is to stop the seizures all together it's just finding the right medicine or medicines to stop them! Other than the seizures Ansley is developmental great and doing well. Aiden- He is starting to play tee ball so we are all very excited to watch him play this week. He is still acting out but ultimately just misses normality. It's just been a big change not having his daddy Jim and Brandon and I being gone so much! He talks about my dad 20 times a day. He's started dressing in his clothes and pretending to be him. It's so sweet yet so sad to see how much he loved my daddy! I hope I can always help him remembe hw much dad loved him too! Finally me- I'm hanging in! I have my days. Brandon said i talk about my dad alot! But I just miss him soo bad! It's very hard for me to go to Vanderbilt for Ansleys doctor visits or hospital stay. I can't help but think of my dad and that's where I visited him for the last 6 weeks of his life and where he took his last breath. I still haven't walked back into the main hospital, I've stayed on the Children's side. I think of him a lot during my morning runs and find myself either overjoyed or in tears. He was who I went to about anything medical so during everything with Ansley it's been hard not having him. I have to constantly remind myself how happy he is now and how unhappy he was before he passed. I find comfort that he's not hurting anymore! But as far as handling Ansley I've done ALOT better. I don't panic or anything just sit there until she breaths and then hold her. It still breaks my heart every time she has one, I just tolerate them better. So overall we are holding strong to Jesus Christ and seeing that he will get us through!

Going good

Well we are now 4 days without having a seizure!! Ansley seems to be doing great! Aiden on the other hand is having a hard time with everything. He has started acting out, I'm sure he wants attention too. I'm hoping soon we can feel ok enough to leave Ansley so we can spend time with just him. On another note I signed up to run the St Jude Memphis half marathon again this year. However this year I decided to be a St. Jude Hero and raise $500 for St Jude. I am running in memory of my dad. No he did not die of cancer but he was an amputee and I know it would make him very happy and proud of my brothers and I to run, something dad would never be able to do. If you would like to help me reach my goal I would greatly appreciate it and so will the children of St Jude. Http://Heroes.stjude.org/reneecox

Regulation

So Ansley has had a good past few days so far. Thursday she had her 6 months check up and on her way to the appt she had a seizure in her car seat. This is the first one she's ever had in the car. Luckily I was sitting beside her in the back and was able to quickly get her out of her car seat. I didnt panic or cry i just got her out of the seat and laid her in my lap, she did start breathing again very quickly on her own. We went on to the doctor and immediately went back so herat and oxygen stats could be monitored during the posticital state. Her pediatrician was not comfortable with giving her shots or doing her check up until we get the seizures regulated. So her neurologist said to up her dosage of her meds. Her ped also thought it was a good idea for her to have an apnea monitor so we have one now. Unfortunately I agree with the doctors- I tend to be more nervous looking at the monitor all night. Since increasing her meds she has not had any more so hopefully we are working on on getting this regulated and soon we will. I had no idea how much this would change our life's even temporary. Brandon and I don't leave her at all and definitely will not go anywhere unless someone can ride in the back with her. We are staying with my mom since my husband is working. Overall my sweet baby is a happy girl and I'm so thankful for her!!

Difficult 2 weeks

So after the visitation, funeral, and memorial for dad passed we tried to regroup and start life again. 2 days later mom and Aiden got strep. 2 days later Ansley had another episode and we were again sent to Vanderbilt. We have been there 5 days and came home yesterday. While there Ansley was diagnosed with epilepsy. It's been a very scary past few weeks and especially few days as we watched her have the worst seizures on Sunday, Mothers Day. I promise having rapid response called on your 6 month old can ruin any moms Mothers Day. Anyway back to the positive we are home now and will begin to learn to live life. We don't know what Ansley's future holds, seizure free or not docs are unsure. The past few days the seizures have been controlled with meds so I am praying she will continue to be seizure free! I will soo.n be starting a blog/journal devoted just to this stepping stone in our life. Thanks for your prayers and I will let you know the link to that blog soon!

Rough Year

If You know me well you probably already know this week has been the worst week of my life. On last Saturday my sweet baby girl was air lifted to Vanderbilt hospital where e stayed until wednesday. She was diagnosed with seizures awares are treating her with meds. She is doing fine now just scared us all. However Wednesday I lost the first man I ever loved. My daddy passed away Wednesday night. I find comfort in the FTC that my dad is not hurting anymore and is walking on both legs in heaven. I miss him tremendously already. I know we have a long way to go Nd we could use lots of prayers.

Backseat

My blog has taken a backseat to some serious issues in my life right now. Honestly I updated my blog consistently last year because my dad stayed on me all the time about "when are you going to update your blog". :).

Right now my dad is very very sick and on life support so my life is nothing short of crazy. I am sitting in his ICU Room now. He has developed sepsis and went into septic shock (you can click on either word to see what they mean). He has been in the ICU at Vanderbilt for over a week now and been in the hospital for over a month. Last Thursday they amputated his leg so if he gets through this, he still has many many hurdles to overcome. So for now I will be MIA and ask for prayers, prayers, and more prayers.

Time flew!

Wow this year has flown by and it has been 2 months since I posted! So sorry for being a horrible blogger! My life has been beyond hectic this year. I have 4 weeks of my practicum remaining. A d I will then be a licensed Speech- Language teacher. Let the job search begin then!

Ansley and Aiden are growing and doing great! Unfortunately I am currently staying very busy helping my parents. My dad is to doing too hot and has been in the hospital for over a week now. When life slows down I promise to upload pics of my growing babies!

4

It seems like just yesterday that I was anticipating the arrival of my sweet baby boy when actually it was 4 years ago. It was a very eventful day to say the least but at 4:36 via c section a 7 pound 13 ounce baby boy stole my heart. It was closer to 6 or 7 befor I saw him and around 8 that I was able to hold him because I was put to sleep before my c section. I remember thinking if he and I both lived (it really wasn't that bad but at the time I thought it was) I would never ever take a day with him for granted. Now 4 years later I cherish every day, minute, second that I get to spend with him. He is the light of my life and I love him so much, now I just need to learn to stop time! ;)

4th birthday party

I can't believe my little man will be 4 on Tuesday. Last night we had his 4th birthday party at an indoor swimming pool. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, except the fact that it was super hot in the pool area. My wonderful dad opted to keep Ansley so we would not have to bring her since she has been so sick. SO glad we made that decision.

HOWEVER by the end of the party Aiden started feeling bad and today he is sick. He has 103 temp and a major cough with A LOT of drainage. Today is the first time that I can remember in a long time that he literally cried "I want my mommyyyy." :(

He feels miserable and here is what he looks like today-Here he was last night: