the end

Well unfortunately nothing had changed today with the baby. Therefore after much thought and prayers I felt comfortable deciding today to go ahead with the D & C. It was about 4 hours ago and I feel just fine. I have lots of meds and hoping the drive to FL in the morning (4am) will not be too rough. I'm prepared for cramping and dizziness but none too terribly bad yet.

The doctor this morning made me feel so much better and gave me many encouraging words. I am emotionally doing good and looking forward to spending the week with my family on the beach.

A great friend gave me some kind words and a verse that got her through her miscarriage and it's done the same for me. This simple verse gets me through it all: Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding." He knew exactly what he was doing through all this and I am so blessed to be his child.

AGAIN- thank you all for your prayers and love. I can never say thank you enough.

WOW

I'm typing with tears rolling down my cheeks and for no other reason than this week I realized we are more loved than I ever realized. This week I have had people I haven't talked to in months call or text to tell me they are praying for us. When I talked to one of my friends she asked can I do anything school wise for you- I will be happy to write a paper or anything. As tempting as it was to say yes I just thought WOW who would ever offer something so kind. Another friend immediately said Renee let me pray right now for you. Another friend began to cry with me as I sobbed on the other end and many just said can I hug you. EVERY single gesture, word, prayer has been felt. I can never begin to tell you how much I appreciate the love.
Physically- Unfortunately this week my immune system let me down and now I am sick- Sinus infection and migraines. My doc has put me on a antibotic so hopefully we can get rid of it quick.
Tonight I take my last exam of the semester and then I have to attempt to write a paper so after tonight school will be over for the semester.

Emotionally- I am sucked dry. I have seen people walking in Target with 2 kids wondering if I will ever be that mom. I know, everyone, I know I'm being silly but I can't help but wonder.

Mentally- I'm so confused. I have peace with whatever happens tomorrow and I know deep inside God has a reason for all this and a purpose, but that thought is fuzzied by the hurt. I've literally laid on the floor and cryed and cryed until last night Aiden walked up and sat in my lap and said "what wrong mommy, you sad?" I quickly realized God blessed me more than I can ever imagine 2.5 years ago when he gave me that sweet baby boy and I KNOW Aiden will be a big brother whether it be in Dec. or later- I know God will bless my family.

Tomorrow- I'm so stinking nervous and thats all I even know to say. I'm scared and I'm sad. I'm trying SO hard to stay positive and hang on to some little bit of hope.

We go tomorrow at 9 am so if you have a free minute please say a little prayer for us. again THANK YOU!!!

1st doctors appt.

Dear Prayer Warriors:

PLEASE PLEASE pray for my family this weekend as you can tell from my previous post I have a lot going on and as if I didn't have enough on my plate today I got a bad doctors report. Today was my first ob visit and possibly my last for this pregnancy. I had an ultrasound today at my 8 week appt and the sac measured 5 weeks. So either my calculations are totally off (not possible because I had a confirmed positive pregnancy test 3 weeks ago) or the embryo stopped growing at 5 weeks.
So please pray that God's plan to be completely revealed to the doctors and me. I go back for another ultrasound on Friday to see if there is any growth or if it is what my gut tells me- a miscarriage. If there is no progression I have the option to have a D&C on Friday before I leave for Florida (because yes I am still going to the beach next week). So please pray pray pray for peace and understanding this week.

this week

10-4 page papers

1- 3" notebook full of word list for each speech sound (42 sounds) and each disorder

1 presentation

1 chapter summary

and now 1- 7 page paper on hearing impairments

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO THIS WEEK!!!!

This week was my last week of class for the semester (exams are next week) and yes I procrastinated all these assignments all year.

Oh and for those wondering I FEEL LIKE CRAP!! I had an easy pregnancy with Aiden (rough delivery) but this has been rough for 2 straight weeks already.

AND THIS TIME NEXT WEEK I'M BEACH BOUND!

Brothers

If you have been reading my blog for even the past few months you know how much I love my brothers. If you haven't been reading long you can look here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here , and here to see SOME of the blog entries about them. My brothers are the best husbands to their wonderful wifes and daddies to their children. My brothers and I fought alot growing up of course what siblings don't but we had so much fun together too. Vacations would have never been the same without them, holidays would have been a bore, and laughing at my moms "spankings" would have be useless if I had to do it alone. I remember so many great stories growing up and some are still the talk of our holiday get togethers.

I only hope Aiden feels the same way about his brother or sister as I do mine!!

For those of you who don't understand- YES Aiden will be a big brother in Dec. He talks about his "baby sister" everyday. He is persistent it is a sister.

easter

Easter pictures a little late and very condensed version! I had 157 pictures from Easter so this will have to do if you want to see more just look at my facebook. Aiden was a pro at hunting eggs and loved all the excitement.

Easter bunny and Nonna surprises

annual pic with ally and deaton

Easter day (sorry my computer would not let me crop for some reason)

5k Run

I'm so stinking excited for my brother. Today he finished his personal best time in a 5k- 29 minutes. He worked so hard at this and did a great job. He finished 1st in his age group- me on the other hand not so great. I still can't first in my age group but not my best time- 30 minutes. My mom even did the 1 mile walk, I am SOOO extremely proud of her for that. Everyone did so good and I was so proud to be apart of a special event at my church and what better reason to run than the rebirth of Jesus. happy Easter everyone and remember what the real meaning of this holiday is. The stone was rolled away just as he said.

egg hunt 1

We had our first Easter egg hunt last weekend at Falcon Ridge. Aiden had a lot of fun with his cousin and nonna. Unfortunately all his "seeing the Easter Bunny" talk was gone when he saw the Easter bunny and went into hysterics "hold me mommy hold me". Needless to say he was not getting close to that Easter bunny and has told everyone since he saw the Easter bunny and was scared. We had a blast and got some great pics as well. Hopefully we will win the Easter picture contest. :) Oh you can tell Aiden needs another haircut BAD! The most precious picture of him looking at one of his favorite people in the world, "Awwy"

The colored chicks